“It’s only when you make the process your goal that big dreams can follow.”

                                                                                      - Oprah Winfrey

While dreaming about victory can bring feelings of exhilaration and pleasure, champions understand that one cannot achieve success just by focusing on the end result. 

Rather, it is focus on properly enacting and completing the key steps along the way that leads to victory.  True champions understand that to experience success, the process is primary.  

In his book, With Winning in Mind, Olympic olympic gold medalist and author Lanny Bassham shares the amazing story of how he coached professional golfer, Ben Crane to his third win on the PGA Tour. 

Until that time, Crane had struggled to achieve wins on the tour, coming close many times, but rarely being able to close the deal.  As they began working together, Bassham suggested that instead of setting a goal to win, Crane should set his goal on...

“Erase the victim mentality.  Remember you are capable of achieving greatness; if you’d only believe in your abilities to overcome.  You are victorious.  Celebrate the victory.”

                                                                                          -  Amaka Imani Nkosazana

Throughout the years, I have had several meaningful conversations with my good friend, Theresa Byrne. 

But none brought the clarity and impact of a recent conversation when she shared her distinction of how our choices in responding to challenges can be broken down into three distinct ways of being that I will call the “3 V’s”….

Victim, Victor or Visionary

The concept is quite simple.  As best we try, we may not be able to control what happens to us in our lives, but we can always control how we respond to it. 

When challenges arise, we really have three choices.  

• We can live as victims of our life circumstances.
• We can become a victor over these situations and use the
...

“(A) process orientation (versus outcome orientation) . . . asks ‘How do I do it?’ instead of ‘Can I do it?’ and this directs attention toward defining the steps that are necessary on the way. This orientation can be characterized in terms of the guiding principle that there are no failures, only ineffective solutions.”

                                                                                       - Ellen Langer, Mindfulness

Think of the last time you faced a major challenge in your life.  You may be at that place right now as you read this. 

How many times are we caught up in the mind game of whether we can successfully tackle a challenging situation?  Our minds can go in all types of crazy directions that cause us to delay our actions, bring us upset and ultimately cause us to miss opportunities because we doubt our ability to succeed. 

This is most often rooted in us just focusing on the outcome of the situation and not the process we can move through to transce...

“Stemming from the Latin for "inward," intrinsic goals relate to "goods of the soul," like personal growth, close relationships, and physical health. Stemming from the Latin for "outward," extrinsic goals relate to "worldly goals," like money, status, or fame.

                                                                                         - Harvard Business Insider

In in their book, From Me to We, brothers Marc and Craig Kielburger create a powerful distinction between Extrinsic versus Intrinsic Goals.

Specifically, Extrinsic Goals are those we strive to achieve outside ourselves like career status, financial achievements, and personal possessions.  

Intrinsic Goals are those we create inside ourselves like love, peace, acceptance, a connection with our Higher Power (whatever that is for you) and a commitment to the service of others.

Neither is good nor bad or better than the other.  However, the Kielbergers propose that when we are clear and committed to our...

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

                                                                              - Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Several years ago, while attending a month-long leadership training, the facilitator of the program made a statement that would prove to be life-changing for me. 

He began one of our first sessions together by saying,

"Most of you in this room are living your lives backwards.”

I thought that was an interesting statement, so I took out my pen to take some copious notes.  He then when onto say, "Most of you are living your lives from a perspective of Have-Do-Be." 

"When you have enough money, then you'll do the things you want to do, and you'll be happy."

"When you have more time, then you'll do the things you promised your kids you would do together, and you'll be a better parent."

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

                                                                                      - Tony Robbins

When I was young, I loved bubble gum.  My mom taught me how to blow bubbles with my chewing gum, and I loved showing off my skill in producing the largest bubbles possible without allowing them to pop and caught in my face and hair.

My favorite bubble gum was the Bazooka Joe brand.  Its flat rectangular shape fit easily into my mouth, and within a matter of seconds, the sugary, pliable, pink substance popped joyfully into my mouth.  I also liked Bazooka Joe because of what was inside each wrapper – a comic strip.

One day, I opened up a piece of gum and found a comic strip that had Bazooka Joe standing under a large streetlamp, feverishly looking for something.  In the next frame, his friend Bill appeared, and the following dialogue occurred.

Bill: “Hey, Joe. What are you doing?”

Bazooka Joe: ...

“The only real difference between anxiety and excitement was my willingness to let go of fear.”

                                                                                              - Barbara Brown Taylor

As a martial arts master instructor, I have had many opportunities in my career to assist my students in moving through their fears. 

Whether it was stepping onto the mat for their first class, testing for a new belt, breaking a board with an unfamiliar technique, or stepping into the sparring ring versus an opponent, the fear and anxiety felt can be palpable and cause one to freeze or give up before they ever try.

However, one thing I have noticed throughout the years, is those who chose to move forward despite their fears, and brake through to the other side, were met with feelings of exhilaration and excitement they never knew possible.  The mere action of moving towards and eventually through their fears, oftentimes proved to life-changing in building their co...

“What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.”

                                                                                                       - Robin Sharma

Champions, whether it be in sports, business or in life, understand one very simple concept - what we focus on expands.  

Think about a vision you have for your life and/or your business.  When you focus on the things that empower you on your journey to achieving your dream, the things that excite you and feed your soul on your quest, you usually experience people or circumstances that support you on your path.

Conversely, when you just focus on the challenges of your situation and the obstacles you encounter while on your quest, you probably see more of those situations show up.  

To be clear, I am not advocating we put our "heads in the sand" and ignore our challenges or pretend they are not there.  On the contrary, I am suggesting we identify ...

“Surrender to what is.  Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”

                                                                                              - Sonia Ricotti

When we get honest with ourselves, most of the upset we experience in our lives is due not to what happens to us or what others have done to us, but to our perceptions, judgements, and stories we attach to these occurrences. 

While there are instances in life that can seem devastating at the time they occur, it is my experience that once we move through, accept, and process these experiences, they are often the catalyst for our most valuable life lessons of growth and expansion.

The two most devasting events of my life were losing my 11-year-old brother to a drowning accident the summer before my senior year of high school and going through divorce after a 26-year relationship with my wife.

In both instances, I did not know if I had the strength to carry on. 

I was hurt, frustrated, sc...

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly; you're doing something.”

                                                                                           - Neil Gaiman

Every four months, I receive a new group of Black Belt Candidates from our martial arts organization to train in preparation for their upcoming Black Belt Testing with me. 

Since most of these candidates are my student’s students, this is the first time many of them have trained with me.  As you might imagine, many of them are quite nervous, not knowing what to expect in their first classes with me. 

This oftentimes causes them to freeze and make errors that they wouldn’t regularly make.  This then causes greater nerves and trepidation which then leads to even large...