“Erase the victim mentality.  Remember you are capable of achieving greatness; if you’d only believe in your abilities to overcome.  You are victorious.  Celebrate the victory.”

                                                                                          -  Amaka Imani Nkosazana

Throughout the years, I have had several meaningful conversations with my good friend, Theresa Byrne. 

But none brought the clarity and impact of a recent conversation when she shared her distinction of how our choices in responding to challenges can be broken down into three distinct ways of being that I will call the “3 V’s”….

Victim, Victor or Visionary

The concept is quite simple.  As best we try, we may not be able to control what happens to us in our lives, but we can always control how we respond to it. 

When challenges arise, we really have three choices.  

• We can live as victims of our life circumstances.
• We can become a victor over these situations and use the
...

“(A) process orientation (versus outcome orientation) . . . asks ‘How do I do it?’ instead of ‘Can I do it?’ and this directs attention toward defining the steps that are necessary on the way. This orientation can be characterized in terms of the guiding principle that there are no failures, only ineffective solutions.”

                                                                                       - Ellen Langer, Mindfulness

Think of the last time you faced a major challenge in your life.  You may be at that place right now as you read this. 

How many times are we caught up in the mind game of whether we can successfully tackle a challenging situation?  Our minds can go in all types of crazy directions that cause us to delay our actions, bring us upset and ultimately cause us to miss opportunities because we doubt our ability to succeed. 

This is most often rooted in us just focusing on the outcome of the situation and not the process we can move through to transce...

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

                                                                              - Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Several years ago, while attending a month-long leadership training, the facilitator of the program made a statement that would prove to be life-changing for me. 

He began one of our first sessions together by saying,

"Most of you in this room are living your lives backwards.”

I thought that was an interesting statement, so I took out my pen to take some copious notes.  He then when onto say, "Most of you are living your lives from a perspective of Have-Do-Be." 

"When you have enough money, then you'll do the things you want to do, and you'll be happy."

"When you have more time, then you'll do the things you promised your kids you would do together, and you'll be a better parent."

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

                                                                                      - Tony Robbins

When I was young, I loved bubble gum.  My mom taught me how to blow bubbles with my chewing gum, and I loved showing off my skill in producing the largest bubbles possible without allowing them to pop and caught in my face and hair.

My favorite bubble gum was the Bazooka Joe brand.  Its flat rectangular shape fit easily into my mouth, and within a matter of seconds, the sugary, pliable, pink substance popped joyfully into my mouth.  I also liked Bazooka Joe because of what was inside each wrapper – a comic strip.

One day, I opened up a piece of gum and found a comic strip that had Bazooka Joe standing under a large streetlamp, feverishly looking for something.  In the next frame, his friend Bill appeared, and the following dialogue occurred.

Bill: “Hey, Joe. What are you doing?”

Bazooka Joe: ...

“The only real difference between anxiety and excitement was my willingness to let go of fear.”

                                                                                              - Barbara Brown Taylor

As a martial arts master instructor, I have had many opportunities in my career to assist my students in moving through their fears. 

Whether it was stepping onto the mat for their first class, testing for a new belt, breaking a board with an unfamiliar technique, or stepping into the sparring ring versus an opponent, the fear and anxiety felt can be palpable and cause one to freeze or give up before they ever try.

However, one thing I have noticed throughout the years, is those who chose to move forward despite their fears, and brake through to the other side, were met with feelings of exhilaration and excitement they never knew possible.  The mere action of moving towards and eventually through their fears, oftentimes proved to life-changing in building their co...

“What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.”

                                                                                                       - Robin Sharma

Champions, whether it be in sports, business or in life, understand one very simple concept - what we focus on expands.  

Think about a vision you have for your life and/or your business.  When you focus on the things that empower you on your journey to achieving your dream, the things that excite you and feed your soul on your quest, you usually experience people or circumstances that support you on your path.

Conversely, when you just focus on the challenges of your situation and the obstacles you encounter while on your quest, you probably see more of those situations show up.  

To be clear, I am not advocating we put our "heads in the sand" and ignore our challenges or pretend they are not there.  On the contrary, I am suggesting we identify our...

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

                                                                                   - Hamlet

It is easy for all of us to label experiences in our lives as "good" or "bad" based on how they compare to our expectations.  It can be easy to reflect on our experiences as “bad” when things don’t go the way we planned. 

However, if the recent pandemic has taught us anything, it is that we need to be flexible in how we view situations and nimble in our approach to dealing with challenges that arrive us safely and triumphantly on the other side

It is often not until much time has passed that the situations we have judged as the most negative can be seen as actually being blessings, as illustrated in the story below.

 An attorney in Southern California was leaving an appointment in Orange County and making his way up the 405 Freeway to his next appointment near LAX Airport.

Already leaving late from his previous ...

“We’ve got to remember that we get whatever we focus on in life. If we keep focusing on what we don’t want, we’ll have more of it. The first step to creating any change is deciding what you do want so that you have something to move toward.”

                                                                                    - Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within

Champions, whether it be in sports, business or in life, understand one very simple concept - what we focus on expands.  

Think about a vision you have for your life and/or your business. 

When you focus on the things that empower you on your journey to achieving your dream, the things that excite you and feed your soul on your quest, you usually experience people or circumstances that support you on your path.

Conversely, when you just focus on the challenges of your situation and the obstacles you encounter while on your quest, you probably see more of those situations show up.  

To be clear, I am not ad...

“Accept, then act.  Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.  Always work with it, not against it…….This will miraculously change your whole life.”

                                                                                             - Eckhart Tolle

A couple of years ago, I treated myself to an amazing meditation retreat. 

After four days in the serenity of centeredness, I re-entered the "real world" and was struck by how easy it is to me to revert back to old patterns and habits of getting caught up in my head and the stressors of life. 

One of the most difficult lessons for me, in my life, is to know when to accept what is, let go of control and to surrender.  However, what I am continuing to learn is as counter intuitive as it may seem, any true transformation in life begins with acceptance and surrender. 

While cultural norms may identify the accepting and surrendering to what is as weakness, there is nothing that takes more c...

“Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.”

                                                                                            -  Anthony J. D’Angelo

Today, I was sitting and reflecting on the many people who have crossed my path who have made a positive impact on my life. 

Some of these people have been with me my entire life and other times for a relatively brief period of time. 

Interestingly enough, there is no correlation between time and the impact made.  Even those who are in our lives for brief periods can have lasting impact.

One such person for me was Frank Jeffrey. 

Immediately after graduating from college, I began my career with the Procter & Gamble Distributing Company and Frank was my first District Manager.  Although I did not report directly to Frank, his presence in my career was very impactful as he served as a wise, kind and guiding mentor.

On my first day with the P&G Beauty Care Division Sales Divi...