Victim, Victor or Visionary? The Choice is Yours

“Erase the victim mentality.  Remember you are capable of achieving greatness; if you’d only believe in your abilities to overcome.  You are victorious.  Celebrate the victory.”

                                                                                          -  Amaka Imani Nkosazana

Throughout the years, I have had several meaningful conversations with my good friend, Theresa Byrne. 

But none brought the clarity and impact of a recent conversation when she shared her distinction of how our choices in responding to challenges can be broken down into three distinct ways of being that I will call the “3 V’s”….

Victim, Victor or Visionary

The concept is quite simple.  As best we try, we may not be able to control what happens to us in our lives, but we can always control how we respond to it. 

When challenges arise, we really have three choices.  

• We can live as victims of our life circumstances.
• We can become a victor over these situations and use the lessons learned as a means to propel our personal lives forward.
• And/or we can take it one step further and become a visionary; reframing and sharing our challenges with others in a way that positively impacts their lives of others, supporting them in learning, growing, and healing.

I am reminded of a story about two twin brothers who researchers had studied since the time they were infants. 

Both boys grew up with a father with major personal struggles.  Their dad was drug and alcohol addicted, could not hold down a job, had abandoned them at a young age and had even served time in prison.

The researchers went to question the brothers, now in their early 30's. The first brother had unfortunately followed in his father's footsteps.  He was a heavy user of drugs and alcohol, could not hold down a job, was estranged from his ex-wife and kids and had been incarcerated.  When researchers asked him why his life had taken the path it had, he responded,

"Well, with a father like mine, how could I be any different?"

They then went to the second brother.  While he had personal challenges of his own, his life had taken a very different path.  He had graduated college, been married for years to a great woman with whom he had two amazing kids and had a career that he loved in which he was making an impact.  When the researchers asked how he had achieved all he had in his life, he responded, 

Well, with father like mine, how could I be any different?"

Same situation, same upbringing, two very different perspectives – one remained a victim, the other became a victor. 

As we reflect upon this story, let’s take a look again at the “3 V’s” and how we can choose to use this distinction in our own lives.

1) Victim – We all have had times in our lives when we have been victimized. We all have been lied to, cheated, betrayed, and hurt in ways that caused us pain.  Each experience is unique to the person having the experience. 

However, one thing is constant, when we choose to stay in the pain of these experiences, we allow ourselves to continue to be controlled by them.  Remember, we may have had an experience that had us play the role of victim, but it is NOT who we are.

2) Victor – Accepting what has happened to us and transcending it is our first step in taking our power back and transforming our victimhood into victory.

One way to do this is to literally take “100% responsibility” for any painful experience that we have created, promoted, or allowed in our lives.  This can be one of the most challenging things to do, but also the most empowering.

It is easy to blame others for our circumstances and project our pain, resentment and hate onto them for what they did to us – keeping our victimhood alive.   

This is not to discount that some of us may have had some very horrible things happen to us in our lives.  But, as renowned psychologist and holocaust survivor, Dr. Edith Eva Eger shared in her book, The Choice, when referring to the abuse experienced at the hands of Hitler and the Nazis in the Auschwitz concentration camp,

“I have no time to hate, because if I hate, I will still be a prisoner….and Hitler would win.”

3) Visionary – While transcending your victimhood and becoming victorious over your past and positively impacting your own life may be a perfect place for you to be, you may want to consider taking the learnings from your own personal experience to positively impact the lives of others.

It doesn’t need to be a grand event.  You may choose to simply make a conscious effort in your life to consistently treat others with compassion, kindness, and respect.  This can serve as your own non-descript way of breaking the cycle of abusive behavior with those you meet or with those closest to you. 

It may also be you that you start a business, organization or charity that focuses on taking the lessons from your previous pain and helping to create a better life for others, through your products and services.

Whatever the choice, transforming your previous pain into a way of deeply serving others, can transform what may have been the worst thing that happened into one of the most sacred.

As you move forward this week, be aware of the challenges you may be encountering and be mindful of how you are responding.  We never know when our greatest challenges can become our greatest gifts.

So, are you choosing to be a Victim, Victor or Visionary?  The choice is yours.

 
Chris Natzke

Black Belt Leadership Speaking & Coaching

PS:  If you are looking to bring forth your vision of victory in your life and in the lives of others, download a FREE introductory chapter of my new book, #1 Amazon best-seller, BREAKING THROUGH, by texting “breakthrough” to 720-741-6263.