Reframing Challenges as Blessings
“Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”
- Dr. Seuss
I am writing this blog in the Las Vegas airport, awaiting my connecting flight back to Denver as I am coming home from my 40th High School Class Reunion in Wisconsin (just to be clear, I was only 2 years old when I graduated).
It was an amazing time, reconnecting with so many friends, many of whom I have known since 1st grade, reminiscing about memories of old and laughing about the times we shared together.
While physical appearances had changed, many miles were between us and years had separated us for sometimes decades, I was so wonderfully surprised to see how much I still recognized, loved, and appreciated these awesome people from my past; many with whom I shared the most beautiful and exciting times of my younger years, as well as some of most challenging.
It caused me to reflect on my past four decades since walking the hallowed halls of Oconomowoc High School and the many experiences that have shaped me since. Some were exciting and wonderful; some were boring and average, and some were extremely painful and life altering.
As I have been reflecting this past weekend, I have also been reflecting on how the events throughout my life that were the most challenging and painful for me, the ones that brought me to my knees (both metaphorically and literally), where actually incredible gifts.
While I would not have chosen them at the time, these experiences allowed me to learn, grow and expand in ways I would have almost never done without them and played a vital role in helping me become the person I am today.
In retrospect, I can now see my greatest challenges had become my greatest blessings.
For example…
- The loss of my brother taught me how fleeting life can be and to appreciate and value the gift of family, friends, and relationships.
- The struggle of growing up with an alcoholic father (who I know now was doing the best he could) inspired me to be a very different type of father to my sons and set the stage for me be a mentor to the many young students I would be honored teach and guide during my four and half decades as martial arts instructor.
- The pain of divorce taught me how to truly forgive, take accountability for my actions, deepen my spirituality, and find a power inside myself I didn’t know existed.
So, what can we do to transform those challenging times in our lives to the blessings that propel us forward? Here are three questions we can ask ourselves that can help us to positively reframe these experiences.
1) What did I learn? – The metaphor of life as a school is not a new one. Philosophers and teachers for eons have encouraged us to view our life experiences in this way.
It has often been said that the quality of our lives is in direct proportion to the quality of questions we ask ourselves. Asking what we have learned from our difficult experiences helps us to assimilate the powerful lessons learned, and as a result, reclaim our power. When we do this, we move from victimhood to a more empowered state of being, as we use our lessons to positively impact our future.
2) How did I grow? When we are “in the fire”, while painful, it can be our best opportunity to grow. When the situations and norms we knew before are taken away from us, it requires of to do things differently, make positive changes and adapt. Many times, we would have never embarked upon change if we were required to do so because of challenge and turmoil.
The irony with us as human beings is that while we crave comfort, we are usually the happiest when we are dealing with challenge and moving forward to solving a problem or creating a new way of doing or being.
If you don’t believe me, look back at your own life for a moment. My guess is the times that you are most proud of in your life, are the times you overcame a challenge and landed powerfully on the other side. We generally don’t reminisce about the “easy” times in our lives, but the times when we came out the other side to not just survive, but to thrive.
3) What was the blessing? Whatever you are dealing with, no matter now disruptive or painful it is in your life at this time, I can guarantee you there is a blessing inside of it for you. You may not be able to see it now, but it is there.
If you are dealing with a difficult challenge right now, it may not be possible (or even beneficial) for you to look at your current circumstance as a blessing. If you are currently “in it”, it may the only thing you can do is to hunker down and get through what is before you.
It is also healthy for us to feel and express emotions like fear, anger, disappointment in a healthy way as repressed or suppressed feelings and have long term negative effects if not felt and processed properly.
In a word, whatever you’re feeling during challenge is okay to feel. Feel it completely, no matter how painful, and then let it go.
However, once you have processed it, take some time to look at it for what it really is. Look deep inside yourself, without blame or judgment. Get honest with yourself. If you grew, expanded, or learned from the experience; if it helped you become a better person, if it caused you to take a risk you were avoiding taking, if it was a wakeup call for you to make a dramatic change in your life, it was a blessing.
So, there you have it, my friend. This week, I challenge all of us to reframe a past challenge as a blessing. While it may not be an easy or comfortable process, it may be one of the most productive and healing things you can do.
And remember, you are always blessed.
Chris Natzke
Black Belt Leadership Speaking & Coaching
PS: If you are looking to creating and following a powerful process that will lead to a breakthrough in your life, download a FREE introductory chapter of my new book, #1 Amazon best-seller, BREAKING THROUGH, by texting “breakthrough” to 720-741-6263.