Learning to Love the Watermelon Boy

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.” 

                                                                                    -  Amy Bloom

There are times in our early lives that can have a profound effect on us and continue to impact us into our adult years. 

One such instance happened to me when I was about nine years old and led me to create a self-image, I would carry with me for most of my life.  

I was at my cousin’s house playing with a group of six other kids.  We were being led in our play by my cousin’s neighbor, Johnny, who was a year or two older than me. 

Johnny was slender, with brownish-red hair and freckles.  He was also extremely charismatic.  Everybody loved Johnny and wanted to be like him.  He was always the ringleader of our activities.  Parents loved him, too, and he would often be seen doing his stand-up comedy routine for a circle of delighted adults during social gatherings.

I really loved being with Johnny.  It was fun to be around someone who had so much confidence and was such a natural leader.  Being around Johnny made me feel confident too and I looked at him as an imaginary “big brother” for me to follow. 

Feeling confident at that time was quite a contrast for me, as I often felt uneasy around other kids, as I was very self-conscious about my weight.

Although my mom referred to me as “husky,” it was very apparent to me that other kids did not have the rolls of blubber around their stomachs that I did and were not the butt of fat jokes.  The teasing calls of “Chris Fatzke” often caused me great pain.

On this day, while the group gathered between play, we stood in a circle as Johnny once again held court.  For whatever reason, the subject that day was “being in shape”.  All the kids stood in awe as Johnny described the attributes of the perfect male physique donned by many a superhero: powerful chest, large biceps, broad shoulders and flat, ripped abs.

I was particularly enraptured in his story, as I had identified with superheroes my whole life (when I was 5 years old, I WAS Batman!).  In my 9-year-old mind, I had already made the correlation of the strong male body with the fight for truth, justice and the American way. 

Wanting so much to possess the characteristics he described, I was unable to contain myself any longer and loudly blurted out, “Johnny, Johnny, am I in shape?”

All heads turned to me and then quickly to Johnny, anxiously awaiting the words of wisdom from our childhood sage.  He paused for a moment of reflection and then a small smile came across his face.  He then delivered the words I can still hear over four decades later, 

“Sure, Chris, you’re in shape – like a watermelon!”

His words cut like a knife into my heart.  Immediately, all the heads in the circle turned back towards me, followed by the loud shrill of laughter and teasing.  I wanted to shrink up an die, but there was nowhere to hide.  I was fully exposed as the fat boy I was, and now everyone knew it too, as it had to be true if Johnny said it was. 

The subject matter soon changed, and the group was off to the next discussion in a matter of minutes.  However, the sting of those words stayed with me.  I did not want to be the Watermelon Boy.  I knew there was a superhero inside of me and things had to change.

Soon afterwards I would find martial arts and my training combined with my growth into puberty over the next few years, caused me to slim down and transform my body into a more athletic physique. 

Within a few years, I had earned by Black Belt and became a successful tournament competitor.  I also became an all-star high school football player, eventually earning an athletic scholarship to college.  However, it came at a price.  Underneath it all, the Watermelon Boy still remained.

As a result, my self-image became imbalanced, negatively impacting my overall feeling of self-worth.  The physical prowess I so dearly valued became my identity and my primary focus for how I saw myself in the world. 

If I was not at my physical peak, my self-esteem suffered.  A few extra pounds, an increase in body fat or an extra inch around my waist became a catalyst for self-loathing and self-condemnation. 

Years later, this would all come to a screeching halt as I realized how my obsession with my fitness was negatively impacting my life. 

While on vacation on Disney World with my family, I was stressing over missing a second day of workouts as we prepared to spend yet another day in the Magic Kingdom.  Suddenly, it hit me.  By not being present with where I was, I was missing out on an amazing time with my family.  Moreover, I wasn't going to be loved any less by my two young sons if my body fat percentage happened to creep above 10%,

For each of us, the image and judgments we carry about ourselves can have a major impact. 

This week, I challenge all of us to truly love and accept ourselves just the way we are.  If there is a change we want to experience in our lives in our physical appearance, career or financial state, that is absolutely fine. But, what we do, how we appear or what we accumulate it is not who we are. 

True self-acceptance is the first step in making any positive change in our lives.  When we show up from a place of love and acceptance for ourselves, we can truly access our Inner Champion and true healing and transformation can begin.  

Chris Natzke (Watermelon Boy :))

Black Belt Leadership Speaking & Coaching

PS:  If you enjoyed this installment and are interested in learning more, go to www.ChrisNatzke.com to download my FREE REPORT, The Top Ten Big Ideas to Create Breakthroughs in Your Life.